Here today…

Blackpool's newest attraction, which forms the centre piece of the council's tourism programme for 2009

… hopefully gone tomorrow.

The hideous promenade bridge, which has blighted the landscape since, well, since it opened, is being demolished tonight.

I braved the elements to bring you this photo, which you will be able to treasure and fondly reminisce with for years to come. Limited edition prints will not be available from The London Mint Office.

Unless by some miracle the demolition experts forget to put on their ‘professionals’ hats and make a mistake, it’s unlikely that they’ll be taking down with the bridge the even-more-hideous Palatine Building. Eugh.

I won’t begrudge the closure of the promenade for the night on this occasion (and let’s face it, you wouldn’t really want to risk the chance of a collision with the concrete, would you?).

Next stop – someone put in an offer for the Palatine Building and demolish it, before some spanner slaps a preservation order on it*!

* It’s possible – The Gazette once labelled the building as ‘iconic’.

EXCLAMAHUSIVE: Blackpool surgeries closing

I may not look it, but I am definitely smarter than some suspected swine flu patients in Blackpool

Well, I say ’surgeries’ – actually, it’s just one that I know about at the moment (I’m making the assumption that others will be doing the same soon, though).

Apparently, patients are actually going in to surgeries with suspected swine flu, which is causing havoc for healthcare staff trying to maintain a consistent level of service to other patients (CLUE TO BRAINLESS FUCKWITS: who do you think is going to look after you if they’re being infected with swine flu by other brainless fuckwits?). As a result of this, appointments have been cancelled and the one surgery I know of is closing for the rest of the week.

STAY AT HOME. CALL THE SURGERY. DO. NOT. GO. IN.

On another note, the Directgov site directs you to local authority sites for further information on swine flu in your local area. If you attempt to use this feature and click through for further information on swine flu in Blackpool, you get precisely, err… bugger all. Which is helpful.

Will they line the streets in Blackpool?

It’s become a tradition in the town of Wootton Bassett that local people line the high street whenever fallen servicemen are repatriated to the nearby RAF Lyneham – a small, but symbolic gesture that local people recognise the ultimate sacrifice made by their fellow countrymen, whichever corner of the UK they come from.

If a small place like Wootton Bassett can make the effort to turn out for strangers to their town, is it something that the people of Blackpool can do to recognise the contribution made by Christopher Whiteside, who was repatriated a few days ago?

I don’t know anything of the service planned for him, but if I can take a few moments to pay my respects as his cortege passes along our streets, then I will be there. I’m sure it would be a fitting tribute if the people of Blackpool were to recognise the sacrifice he made.

Question of the Week – planes, trains and automobiles

Joan and Gordon were positive that the public would buy in to their ideas on transport

If you had £100m to spunk on one transport project, which would it be? Forget for a moment who owns what and exactly what the role of taxpayers’ money ought to be – just assume that the £100m is going to be hosed regardless.

I went for upgrading the railway. I just feel it’s a better way of spending £100m. No idea if it would cost that much, however…

Philtheone – on bikes

Blackpool's 'cycling town' initiative will bring the very latest in public sector innovation and ideas to local cyclists

Philtheone pulls the council up on its ‘cycling town’ money bonfire, which has so far given us such delights as, umm, signs adorning lamp posts reminding us that “Blackpool is a cycling town”.

I’m still waiting for the Cycling Outreach Officer to flood my letterbox with leaflets telling me that “Blackpool is a cycling town”. My life feels incomplete without the attentions of a Cycling Outreach Officer

Brilliance?

It’s a bone of contention more than I expected it to be. So, without further procrastination, I’ll ask for your thoughts on the Brilliance sound-and-light whatsamajig on Birley Street.

There are so many different reasons against it (and presumably for it, too) that it would be hard to incorporate them all in to a question, so I’ve kept it simple.

In the mean time, ponder over this little gem that was part of the original Gazette article:

That is due to be operational in time for the Showzam festival next February [2009].

Ah-hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha… Ohhh, dear… Is that a quote for the Comedy Carpet?

I’m making a list of all the overdue and over-budget projects going on around the town (not forgetting the projects where not much work seems to be happening). Feel free to throw in your suggestions!

Brits in Afghanistan: buggered

The One-eyed Twat: still giving our forces the finger

Jonah Brown has just given his backing to Our Boys serving in Afghanistan*.

May God (or whomever) have mercy on their souls.

* Of course, if he really wanted to give his backing, as chancellor he would have made sure that our armed forces weren’t sent to war on a peacetime budget. Not only has he spent up on the country’s credit cards, but he’s managed to spend the ‘peace dividend’ of the Cold War and still leave our forces at a disadvantage.

£80bn a year on education and the public are still thick

"Hello, my name is God and I created the world in six days. Now, would you like to buy some snake oil from me?"

Despite spunking nearly £80bn last year on ‘edyukashun’ (’war is peace’, ‘work will set you free’, ‘freedom is not absolute‘ and all that), Labour are still no closer to turning out mentally functioning citizens.

According to The Times, one in seven Brits chooses creationism over evolution, whilst around one in five adults Oop North have never heard of or do not have an understanding of what evolution actually is.

Now, by all means, believe in God, Allah, L Ron Hubbard or the Reverend Moon – whatever – but for such a large number of people to still be in denial about evolution is, to me, astounding.

I think the point I’m making is that the Government can keep on picking our pockets and running up bills on the country’s credit cards, but it doesn’t matter, because no matter how much they hose on sacred cows like education and health, they will never get proportional returns on them – that is, there’s only so much you can do with the public before the scale of waste mushrooms.

Inclusivity

But now 40 people, including children, adults and pensioners, have been diagnosed as having suspected swine flu by their family doctors.

So that’s, umm… pretty much everybody, then, yeh?

Ohh, to be loved

Lo’, fellow townsmen! I have received an e-mail from one of those PR types Dahn Sarf.

It seems that Mike Leigh’s son, Leo, has been busy making films and in particular, one about Blackpool.

Apparently, my blog has been deemed worthy of being given notice of the film. Here follows the e-mail that I received from the PR type:

Hi There,

I have a sneak preview of a short film for you by Mike Leigh’s son, Leo Leigh on VBS TV VICE magazine’s broadband television network.

The film is on Blackpool and how it has changed over recent years from the UK’s no 1 holiday destination to a place of high unemployment, poverty and sleaze. Very funny, shocking and illuminating all at once, the show is shown in full on July 15^th on VBS TV: http://www.vbs.tv but we thought you might be interested in featuring the trailer or mentioning it on your site.

ABOUT:

A brand new film in the Rule Britannia series on VBS.TV:

Blackpool: The Las Vegas Of The North

A film by Andy Capper & Leo Leigh

In January of this year, Vice editor Andy Capper and filmmaker Leo Leigh (son of director Mike Leigh, no less) spent a fortnight in the North West resort of Blackpool. In amongst the fish’n’chips and fruit machines they got to know the characters who make up the area, and uncovered the unique charm behind the seaside town.

Once Britain’s number one holiday destination, Blackpool has been growing old disgracefully. The refinement and grace has given way to a certain romantic grit, as pigeon fanciers, 80 year-old tattoo addicts and hotel talent shows mask the backstreet slums and high rise buildings characterise the area crippled by 90% unemployment.

“Blackpool: The Las Vegas Of The North” is an intimate snapshot of the people behind the local legends, showing there is more to this corner of Britain than blue comics, soft porn pedlars and immigrant strippers. And not a Big Dipper pun in sight…

Andy and Leo are both available for interview about the film.

Please see the teaser clip here:

So… Go and have a gander at the teaser. I’ll reserve judgement for the full shebang when it’s released online on the 15th. We can all probably spot some of the research faux pas, but every film maker that comes to Blackpool seems to make them, so I’ll let them slide.

Now, I was thinking that, seeing as the film makers are available for interview, perhaps some of you would be interested in a Q&A with them, if it’s something I can arrange? It’s not often we get to have a bit of dialogue with outsiders who make programmes on the town – it’ll be a chance to probe their minds and ask them about perceptions that we can’t always see or understand.